sleeping with the lights on

yes. I haven't been updating for a long long long long time and now in the middle of the night at 3am, I suddenly got the urge to write something on this space which had been deserted for more than half a year (collecting dust now) and looking back at my previous entry, I felt, so much had changed around me. so much. but yet there is this sense of familiarity that I'm still going with the flow over here, not really making any decisions for myself, not doing anything for myself and finally, when it comes to this thing which bothered me for a long time - I'm still hopeless and passive.

and amazing. I'm 21 already

things changed. the internship was over and now its the time of the year when I request for internship again. and yayy! its now probably going to be at DSO. (not that I don't like airforce, but I really don't want to be deployed there when I start working) hopefully I'll like it this time.

my time at the airforce is in the history. people always say absence makes the heart fonder. I think absence makes the heart forget. Its just how not keeping in contact with a person changes how you feel about the person. or rather is it the busy life changed me? or maybe its another person replacing the empty spot in your heart? I guess all factors come into play. 

I had travelled more this time also. been to turkey and switzerland-italy over christmas and greece over easter breaks. I've enjoyed all three trips and personally, my favourite was the greece trip. (: really a good one with lots of pictures. greece is just beautifully beautiful. just beautiful. and awesome. Santorini, my favourite. (: very scenic and I watched the best sunset I had ever seen. company was important also. (taking photos of a boyband... well that's another matter)

turkey is a nice place as well, with deep history and cultures. its also the trip that I hear guys talk so much about girls. haha... and falling sick in a minibus travelling for 12 hours, that's not fun at all. but the trip was great overall. got to stay in a cave, which was a bit cui but still livable.

then switzerland-italy was a eat, shop and spend trip. also, its the first time I play snow, on the way from geneva to zurich, see snowing (finally!) in milan when we went to san siro, and got my first ever high end merchandise. and I got white sheep! (: yayy. my new toy in my ever growing collection of soft toys.

and yes. foosball. I *heart* playing foosball. foosball now reminds me of a lot of things. playing with the engineers (plus zy) at magdalene gamesroom. playing with the AeB-ians at the Out-of-Blue random outdoor little sanctuary with that funny shaky foosball table with a metal ball. and playing with a number of people (quite a lot of freshers) in christ's jcr with the foosball table that was spoilt and thus free for everyone.

oh yes. and poker. I always loved playing texas hold 'em at matt's place. yepp. and that had became our meeting up when grace comes back from cambridge activities for the past year. and now over here, there is a trend of playing poker - with real money. (note. grace is NOT a gambler) fun fun.

I miss punting.

and then... it always comes back to cumsa. I retired. as the database officer. and I reran as the publicity secretary. a few reasons why I reran, but that would take another post to explain. to cut it short. there is an impetus which made the decision for me. I had fallen into a trap again.

I'm tired. my patience is slightly wearing out. I am not certain about it anymore. should I just give up? I'm really not sure if what I'm pursuing what I want. feelings is a complex thing. st said the person you like will never fail to cheer you up, never fail to get off your mind, and never fail to make you extremely upset.

and for a very long time, my heart had not beaten so hard.



Lifehouse - Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

its been 1 week since my last day at work at ALD. just realised that my time over at the air force had past really quickly, even though the day-to-day job was not exactly very exciting, and my project were facing a lot of dead ends everywhere I turn. however, the environment and the people do make the time enjoyable and there are definitely a few things to look forward to. like breakfast, lunch, foosball and end of day. (doesn't sound too interesting, does it?) ok.. maybe more interesting stuff to look forward to like flight simulator, touch-all-I-want fighter and helis and taking ride over whole of singapore, not to mention good dinners. sounds like some cool internship!

but it is also in this internship that made me realise that I was never more lost than I was ever in my life. all along throughout JC, I thought getting a scholarship to go to a university was the goal. but what didn't really struck me was the bond. what I wanted to do to make full use of the bond. what exactly I want to achieve at the end of the bond. this still never fails to puzzle me in the end. looking at the internship, probably where I might end up in eventually at the end of the day when I come back for deployment. however, I do felt that this job is not exactly what I had signed up for initially. sometimes I wonder how the system will change me.

I might not be deployed there in the end, so all these worries might be unduly. (low chance of that happening though)

this time, also made me wondered how much it takes to like someone. because, I realise that at the end of the day, I actually like everyone! just like van. we love everyone :D but of course there are a few people who left a deeper impression.... and people just come and go.

at the end of the day, I'm just waiting and going with the flow.

林宥嘉 - 神秘嘉宾

我踩着梦的阶梯 走进了 一座迷雾森林
谁的心事 被天使窃听 泛起涟漪

时间它帮我设计 下一秒 谁是神秘嘉宾
小心翼翼 揭开了面具 掌声鼓励

谁闯进我的场地 谁让我措手不及
我早就预备的剧情 你却给我一笔
狡猾地 致命地正中我红心

我跟谁变得亲密 谁逐渐离我远去
华丽演出共襄盛举 唯有你的背影
友情客串却留下刻骨铭心的回忆

你按了我的门铃 我终于 从呵欠中苏醒
紧张兮兮 对你说一句 欢迎光临

全场观众都离席 剩下我 还在原地寻觅
耳边听着 谢幕的歌曲 走不出去

谁闯进我的场地 谁让我措手不及
我早就预备的剧情 你却给我一笔
狡猾地 致命地正中我红心

我跟谁变得亲密 谁逐渐离我远去
华丽演出共襄盛举 唯有你的背影
友情客串却留下刻骨铭心的回忆

我搬到谁的隔壁 谁成了我的邻居
鸣谢生命有你参与 笑纳我的邀请
曲终人散却写下不会结束 的结局

haven't been blogging for quite a while. haha.. was currently interning at plab and dsta for my internship program and for cambridge engineering course requirement. lala~

air force is so slack.

after a long 12hours flight, I'm finally home!

The last day of exams was on tuesday, and I can't believe that it was over for three days only. feels like I've done a lot of stuff over the past 4 days. first, playing pool and table football until 5am in the morning and the next day watching movie till 2am. and there was the play until you drop floorball session, where we all KO-ed after only 2.5hours when we all thought that we can survive 4hrs (which was why the court was booked for that long). but it was a good game. especially since I haven't been moving much considering that I was sitting on my swivel chair for almost 10hrs a day like for the past 1 week a few days ago. studied so hard, and all I do hope was to do the best I can do. after the floorball session, it was the sit around and chat and waste time. time flies when it was wasted. that's true. before we knew it, it was 2am again in the morning. and then came bop day. unfortunately for me, some random stuff grew under my left eyelid :S and had to see a doctor. so I was trying to make it to york street under the direction of es, but when I landed on the wrong side of york street, my hp just had to run out of battery. and there comes panic and I cried all the way down (still the wrong side) of york street, before I realised tt it might just be on the otherside. teary-eyed me went to the reception and was told that they were closing, but she was nice enough to arrange an emergency consultation for me. and I was alright in the end after the anti-bacterial drop, which eases the pain. thus i could go to the bop and dj again. whee~ I guess music was better this time round :D and it was a pity a lot of people could not turn up. and comes saturday, which was brunch day! and of course lots of packing as I prepare myself to leave cambridge to head for my trip then home. and then, there's garden party today at 12. and after that, a mad rush to london.

在一起，有时候会变成一种习惯

yepp. as the title suggested, my exams started today.

1 down, 3 more to go

Its supposed to be summer! oh well.. that's UK weather.

anyway, I finally satisfied my craving for 蛋炒饭 yesterday when I ate loads and loads of it :D wheeeeee~ get myself ready for the next episode of 翻滚吧！蛋炒饭 :P

anyway, I got quite crazy over this song

林宥嘉 - 背影

三公分阳光三公分空气
堵在眼前像一面玻璃
挡住了你表情剩下只有脚印
一直向前走走不完距离
一直向后退不出回忆
很高兴有心事帮我困住自己

你头发上淡淡青草香气
变成了风才能和我相遇
你的目光蒸发成云
再下成雨我才能够靠近
感谢我不可以住进你的眼睛
所以才能拥抱你的背影
有再多的遗憾用来牢牢记住
不完美的所有美丽
感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜
我怀里所有温暖的空气
变成风也不敢和你相遇
我的心事蒸发成云
再下成雨却舍不得淋湿你
躲在安静角落如果你回头看
不用在意

看了《翻滚吧蛋炒饭》后突然觉得肚子好像有点肚子饿。哈哈。。。因该是当偶像据里的角色把蛋炒饭的味道形容得那么好吃时，让我也看得津津有味，也想来一盘蛋炒饭。尤其剧中的厨师就是大东主演的米麒麟~~~~~~！啊~~~~~~！大东~~~~~~~~~！ 剧情我就不介绍，有兴趣的话，就到youtube上慢慢观赏或到这里了解了解！

如果现在可以亲口吃到大东炒的蛋炒饭，那该多好哇！可惜这只是我的幻想罢了。。。。。。不过如果有一个人能够为了我炒了一盘蛋炒饭或煮了一道美味可口的佳肴，我一定会很高兴很高兴得吃下去哦！说不定还会爱上了他哦！哈哈。。。爱上哪一个部分是开玩笑的，请不要当真！（万一来了个女生，那就不得了！）嘿嘿。。。

好吧，肚子饿，可是我该睡觉了！

Wheeeeee~  its weekends!

yepp. today went for floorball. then I got whacked damn hard on my jaw at the start of the game. its throbbing now ): but luckily its not showing any signs of swelling. *pheww* but it was a good game. had fun.

then for dinner, went to dojos with es, evan, rz and his friend. 4th time at dojos and I finally used my cumsa membership card for once. lol.. then after tt was to the funfare which was at mid summer commons to take a look. the rides are not as enticing as the ones in the fun fare in november. (but equally noisy. can hear it from my room) so aft walking around, we ended up playing the coin dropping machine.. haha..

well, summer is near, and the sun is setting pretty late. like after 8pm everyday. which is good, but also means that I kind of lost my sense of time, because it really feel very early in the evening at 9pm. oh well, not that I'm complaining. In fact, I kind of like it this way. summertime~

yepp. more floorball tomorrow!